2025 – 01 – 29 – Nic at Nite

           It’s my second-to-last night in the box here at NTC and things have decidedly quieted down. Our Section has been relegated to a glorified Uber, transferring groups of people that apparently mean more than us from one fancy, temperature-controlled command post to another at regular intervals for a “shift change.”

Man, that word upsets me to type because that implies that they have, like, 12-hour shifts. We had this retention NCO with us in our days here in California before we got out to the box who would help us out with our tasks before he stayed back to work as part of the Section that communicates to the real world outside of our training. I like the guy, don’t get me wrong, but he missed an hour of his fireguard shift and so I had to take it in the then-heaterless command post instead of sleep, and when I ran into him a day or two later, he complained about having to work 12-hour shifts. Bitch, you’re only working twelve hours? I worked from 6AM to 12PM at the time, I’d kill to have twice the time off. So now, working from 6PM to 12AM (wow, that’s funny it’s reversed), I think of how these posh fucks at the main command post get their fancy rides to and from so they can rest at, what I can assume are, 12-hour breaks from their job.

It's funny, in retrospect, typing that out and being upset at people for only working their assigned job at the time they were told to do so. Like, what a peculiar perspective to be angry at people for only pouring half their day into work here, as if they had any choice in the matter, and as if I wouldn't be doing the same, exact thing in their shoes. This mock deployment can really change a person, I guess, but it’s also just kind of a thing all military people seem to do. “They don’t do Basic Training like they did back in my day,” is a common sentiment I've heard countless times. But then again, grandpas across the globe seemed to have had to walk fifteen miles uphill both ways on the way to and from school back in the day, so I’m probably just being a whiney little bitch about it tbh.

Regardless of who has it easier or harder, the day has been objectively stagnant. Lots of time just waiting around for something to do. Honestly, it feels like this whole rotation has been spiraling the drain, everybody just trying to ride out the time until it’s over in like a day and a half.

Still, though, I wish we did a bit more while we were out here. I’ve made it very clear to my compatriots that my only goal here is to blow through my ammo, particularly on full-auto. If, of course, my rifle doesn’t jam (it will), and especially if, of course, we get a face-off with enemy ground forces (we might not). Every part of me that guesses the plot in movies suggests that the big finale will come in a showdown right before we leave, but I’ve had that yearning before in the Army, and every time, I’ve expected too much and been left disgruntled at the lack of oomph given.

Which is why, probably, I’ve turned to nicotine lately. I’ve historically prided myself in not getting addicted to nicotine like seemingly every other Soldier in the Army, but I picked up vaping a few months ago because my Soldiers would get a kick out of an officer asking them “who’s got a vape?” Also, I enjoy that self-dubbed “one minute ride” of racking my lungs full of these probably-toxic clouds to feel like I’m being hung from a hangar for a brief moment. Just another checkpoint to throw in the mix with eating and going home to look forward to in my rather uneventful day-to-day in the Army lately.

That constant chasing the dragon led me to try dip for the first time here because my tolerance now is just too high. The loose tobacco in a bag that you spit out? Pain in the ass and didn’t give me any sort of kick. Also, spitting that brown sludge constantly? Gross as fuck.

But Zyn, the pouches, gave me a warm, longer tingle, and that was a pleasant little experience. Not quite a peak like a one minute ride, but I feel slightly elated when indulging in the fiberglass-infused nicotine pouches. Plus, no spitting. For some reason that eludes me, straight nicotine = poison, while nicotine in a pouch = safe to swallow. I don’t make the rules, I just go here.

To be fair, I once tried a pouch on the way to a Pixies concert with my old buddy Grant on my 19^th birthday, and absolutely hated it. Gave me a headache. This time, it was a little better. Still, though, I can’t see myself doing them after NTC. But I’m all for trying new things when the moment is right. I got a tattoo because that’s what Soldiers do, so I figured being out at NTC is probably one of the most Soldier-y things I’ll have done in the twilight of my Army career, so when SSG Portell offered me his tin of Zyns for my tin of long cut, fuck it, why not.

My first Zyn experience was much more positive than PFC Rod’s, though. The 19-yr-old and I cheers’d our pouches together, and while I got a pleasant little rush from mine, hers made her about throw up. Which is funny to me, because she loved the long cut. Of course, SSG P got the biggest kick out of this. He’s been the bad influence on us. Except, I’ve been the bad influence on Rod because I’ve been giving her my vape at regular intervals. She nicknamed it “Chooch,” but will come up asking for her one minute hit. Close enough. My favourite, though, is when she just gives me a look, and without words, I know to hand her the vape. So SSG P and I are equally bad influences, it seems. Man, we’d run a great Platoon together.

I also want to point out that I’m typing this journal with my bulletproof vest and helmet with night vision attached, automatic rifle right behind me, and in an up-armoured Humvee. So, that’s pretty badass. Just cool things like this I’ll miss when I’m done with the Army. But that time will come, probably soon, and that’s okay, too.

 

SOTD – “Nicotine” by Pretty Boy Aaron. Great song. Probably not about nicotine. But a jam that has conveniently been lodged in my head as I proofread this, so I’m going with this instead of “Big Dipper” by Built to Spill, which was in my head for a majority of the day (so it deserves its honourable mention here).